From Savvy Educators to Cheeky Comedians – 25 Times Teachers Schooled Their Students in the Art of Roasting

Just as students have a knack for delivering unintentionally hilarious burns, teachers, too, have a way with words that can leave their pupils simultaneously laughing and learning. Armed with years of experience, a quick wit, and a dash of sarcasm, educators know how to craft the perfect comeback to keep their classes in check and their students on their toes.

We’ve scoured the depths of Reddit, Quora, IG and Facebook to bring you 25 incredible instances of teachers roasting their students with cleverness, humor, and a sprinkle of tough love. These educators prove that sometimes the best lessons are taught through laughter and that a well-timed joke can be just as effective as a textbook.

Savage Comebacks: Teachers Show No Mercy

• Well, in primary school, about 8 years old, one girl furiously asked the teacher to list, what exactly she was doing wrong. Marbly he answered, she should rather list what she was doing right. She’d finish quicker. – Jonas van der Kleij (Quora)
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• “He’s hit rock bottom and started to dig”. – Sam Cheung (Quora)
• “If I am not allowed to say it, then you can’t say it either.” – Tom Milligan (Quora)
• “Your beats are trash, just like your grades, you’re not cool, just go check Powerschool.” – John Bell (Quora)
• “Miss, you’re exactly like your marks. Both of you have the tendency to fall.” – Nishu K (Quora)
• “Do you understand how much better you are than some of the other students in this class? Look at Ashley. Your shittest day is still better than her smartest day. You at your very worst, is still better than Ashley at her very best.” – Katie C (Quora)
• me: did I not just say “something you should be an expert in?” class: eruption. – kiwispouse (Reddit)
• A student, who had been harassing me (jokingly) all afternoon about how my job was useless and I didn’t do anything.He later turned to me and asked me a hypothetical question:

  “if you were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring one thing, what would it be?”

  My answer was typical – “Well, obviously, a book on how to build a raft”

  He responded “No, miss, it has to be something that’s completely useless”

  My response: “Well then I guess it would have to be you, unfortunately!” – Anonymous (Reddit)

Witty One-Liners: Short, Sweet, and Savage

• I went to him and stood over him. He looked up, and said “I didn’t do anything”. I replied, “I can see that. Now let’s get to work.” – James Wasvary (Quora)
• “Everyone else is tied for first.” – Claire Yang (Quora)
• “You still should’ve been on time. The 2nd grade hall isn’t far from here.” – Sean Kernan (Quora)
• “Yes, Simon, W for withdrawal.” – David Liu (Quora)
• In response to student saying ‘kiss my a$%:’”That’s probably going to be the last time anyone’s going to kiss it.” -Lily Parker (Quora)

Roasting with a Side of Life Lessons

• “And can you use them?”. I have to give you a fair warning that you shouldn’t do this with every student. But with this one, for a short moment she and her friends were all silent. And then they accepted me even more than before. – Jonas van der Kleij (Quora)
• “I don’t know why he slapped you but honestly you’re always a bully to him so I would stop what you’ve been doing unless you wanna get slapped again.” – Gian Jian (Quora)
• I asked him if he spoke French. ‘no ma’am’ and then I explained to him why I asked that because he accidentally translated it to French!! He was busted and I had to write him up for it. – Sonia Miller (Quora)

Roasts That Hit Close to Home

• I haven’t had a student try to roast me yet but I have told some students that their breath is so bad if they put a mint in it would jump right back out. – FULLsanwhich15 (Reddit) 

Roasts That Leave You Speechless

• “Sit your Lord Farquaad-looking ass down and shut up.” – heluh cayyyy (Instagram)
• (French Teacher in French accent)>Everyone get out your revision sheets! (Some Unnamed Student, let’s call them Bob)>Uh, Ms. Pas Vrai Nom… Yess? I…didn’t bring it. Wwhat?! It’s in my locker though!! No no no…The locker does not need to learn French! . . . (Everyone in the class)>…OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH – Om Sharma (Quora)

Roasts That Make You Question Your Life Choices

• Student 1: Sir, the questions in the worksheet look so ugly! Math Teacher: Well, clearly you’ve never looked into the mirror before! – Mark Tay (Quora)
• Student 2: Sir, why don’t you have any biceps? Gym Teacher: Because unlike you, I actually have a girlfriend! – Mark Tay (Quora)
• Student 3: Sir, have you seen the new Star Wars movie? Chemistry Teacher: Yep, although I wished they included Jabba the Hutt, you would have done great in it! – Mark Tay (Quora)
• Student 6: Madam, it’s quite hazy today isn’t it? Language Arts Teacher: Yes, just like your future. – Mark Tay (Quora)

Roasts That Make You Want to Switch Careers

• Random Student: “Yeah, Wednesday is a C day.” Student acting “smart”: Audible: “Ugh!” Teacher: “Yeah, I know, I’ll have to see you too.” Whole Class: “Ohhhh!!! student name, you just got ROASTED!!” – Madhava Rakshit (Quora)
• So one day she saw him coming and deliberately fell in front of him. When he asked if she’s fine, she said, “Looks like I fell for someone here.” I cringed hard. Sir was not to be outdone. He said, “Miss, you’re exactly like your marks. Both of you have the tendency to fall.” SAVAGE!!! P.S: Roasted? Nah, she was burnt! – Nishu K (Quora)

Teachers, the secret weapons of the classroom, aren’t just there to teach. They also have a quick wit and a sense of humor that can be unleashed on unsuspecting students at any moment. These roasts, from savage comebacks to witty one-liners, show the power of a well timed quip to keep students on their toes and remind them who’s boss.

So next time a student tries to be funny or cheeky with you, remember you have the power to fire back with a roast that will leave them speechless and the whole class in stitches. Just use your powers for good and not evil – after all you want your students to respect you, not fear you!

Whether you’re a seasoned pro with a arsenal of roasts or a newbie teacher learning the ropes, always remember laughter is a part of the process. So keep those roasts coming and never be afraid to show your students you’re not just a teacher but a master of words and humor too.

Got a funny teacher-to-student roast to share? Tag us on Instagram @ChangeTheWorldWithKaryn or submit them through our website. Let’s keep laughing (and learning)!

A special thank you to our amazing intern, Alec Boyce, for his hard work in helping us compile these hilarious teacher-to-student roasts from across the internet. Your efforts are greatly appreciated, Alec!